Wednesday, January 25, 2017

701 Coffee

May 26th, 2016

I wouldn't be able to place money one way or the other as to whether the 40ish barista is a guy with long hair or an M to F. He or she doesn't seem concerned. He is kind. A sticker on the top right of the front door, where one might place a Yelp, Zagat, Visa, or Belly sticker, there is instead a sticker that proclaims this cafe a Safe Place, in a police badge-shaped rainbow decal. It's a common sighting for me this trip to Seattle, although I don't really know what it means. This sticker was on the door of a glasses shop I stopped in. What might happen at a non-Safe Place glasses store?

One of the free weeklies at this shop, The Stranger, features a full page advice article for women on how to masturbate ("When was the last time you sat down and took a good hard look at your pussy? Like got all fold, crease and flap?") The author dates men, but, when encouraging women to watch all the porn they want, her suggestion for circumventing the moral problem of supporting the industry, explains that she watches, a completely girl-on-girl site that is ostensibly ethically produced.

The author doesn't mention her age, but her name is Charyn, so I'm assuming 23.

Behind me on the plane yesterday was a large, older woman with a sedate little dog on her lap -  a shih tzu - with a pink bow in her hair. I'd overheard, and subsequently asked her to repeat for certainty, that this was a service dog, "for emotional support." The dog lay there with a helpless, unhappy facial expression and demeanor; apparently toting around a helpless slave is what this woman needs to get her through her life. She and the dog were rolled away in a wheelchair together after the flight.

701 Coffee Menu, Reviews, Photos, Location and Info - Zomato

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Love Letter Adaptation Wins Oscar

The following was a writing exercise I did with a writers' group circa 2012, when I was about 26. I think the exercise was essentially to write a review, as if for a newspaper, about a movie called Love Letter winning an award. Love Letter as both a book and a movie, in this case, is fictive (although I believe there are at least a few books and movies with this title). Opinions expressed in this writing do not necessarily reflect my current or future beliefs.

Love Letter Adaptation Wins Oscar

Having apparently exhausted all potential film plot lines, Oscars are now being given out exclusive;y to historical pieces and sappy book adaptations as there is no other choice. Thus the guy who directed the adaptation of the predictable, mass-pleasing novel Love Letter accepted the Oscar last night for Best Picture.

This book was written by the same cynical at best, actually-that-much-of-a-pussy at worst asshole who brought us The Notebook. An unsettling two million people have read - or at least purchased - this waste of trees, and thanks to the money-hungry, fish-in-a-barrel filmmakers behind Love Letter the movie, approximately fifty million people have spent an evening being anesthetized by the kind of love story that perpetuates the fantasy of fate-driven, meant-to-be, soulmate bull shit that already plagues Western minds from enough sources, no matter how hard one tries to be logical about it.

Perhaps Disney/Pixar could make some tales about defense mechanisms, divorce, unfaithfulness, uncertainty under the burden of the modern overabundance of choice, attachment disorders, unfortunate childhood psychoses playing out throughout adulthood, and therapy.


Update: Since writing this, I married a woman I wasn't in love with. Four days later I told her I'd never really been in love with her and was in fact in love with a friend of mine I'd known for nine years. That friend and I then moved to Austin to be together and pursue our dreams of being a farmer and a comedian, respectively. We are in love and will be getting married on May 13, 2017. I kinda believe in fate now.

Thursday, January 12, 2017


She was the only girl in the room sporting a long ponytail, cargo shorts and a hoodie, and quite obviously the only lesbian. She'd briefly held out hope that the cute girl with a short haircut and glasses might be a lesbian or at least bi, but by the time they'd picked which board games to play, Glasses had already mentioned her boyfriend.

Somerville Board Gamers had seemed like a great place to meet women. It was Somerville, for chrissakes. And board games! But with few exceptions the other attendees were hippie-ish or overly geeky middle-aged men.

Ah well, I can still enjoy board games. I came for the board games, not for women. I didn't just come here for an excuse to maybe meet a woman.

It seemed that at least once a day someone repeated the "You only find 'em when you're not looking" line, so she wasn't looking.

Still, it would be nice if some of these people weren't social retards. Am I one of these people? Do I belong with them? After all, I, just like them, chose to come to this Meetup.

But then she remembered that she'd had plenty of cooler friends in her life, had had sex! with cooler people, and therefore could rest assured she wasn't actually this low on the social totem pole. She just had to choose a different Meetup next time.

Actually, I wonder if that table behind me is a Meetup. At least a couple of those girls are lesbians. Ah, this is Somerville after all.

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Funniest Person in Austin Contest

Vote for me for this comedy contest by Liking this video on Facebook!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Food Blogging is a Mental Disorder

I've finally progressed in my journey to sanity to the point of quitting this stupidity. Maybe for you it's not stupid (I doubt it, but that's your call), but for me it definitely was.

Instead, here's a little clip of one of my earliest stand up performances:

See more at my Autistic Integrity website.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Dai Due

Tomato salad with crickets - It was a delicious salad, but honestly, the bites without crickets were better. My brain isn't terribly afraid of the bug thing, but it does tense up ever so slightly. Also, their texture is just the tiniest bit chewy. Super good for you though. The wave of the future, perhaps.
Anyway, I finally went to Dai Due because in April they were doing crawfish boil Wednesdays. There were crawfish, crab claws, huge shrimp, carrots, artichokes, potatoes, asparagus, sausage, garlic bread, chile drawn butter, carrot top sauce and some other aioli or what have you that was delicious. My favorite part was actually the sausage, and I'm historically not a huge sausage fan.

We also tried the grilled sourdough pecan bread with whipped cane sugar lard: so so good. This place is the shit. I can't wait to eat everything there and buy their meat. It doesn't have to be terribly expensive to eat here, but it can be. Come for Ladies' night $10 steak Tuesdays and/or just do a few appetizers.

Pretzel Stout Beer!

Dai Due on Urbanspoon

Friday, February 20, 2015

Cherrywood Coffee - Free Yoga Every Morning!

There's free yoga at 8am every morning, as well as stuff like this advertised on the bulletin.

Banh Mi: Yes! The flavors!  The French baguette for it was actually done well! How is it that this coffee shop with free yoga and a comedy open mic and tons of outdoor live music has, among lots of other things, an excellent version of a banh mi!? I couldn't have come back to Texas quickly enough!Chips and salsa: The salsa at this mother effing coffee shop is better than almost all the Mexican restaurants in Boston.

Try the peanut butter cup for dessert. It's actually vegan, supposedly. It's so good I think they're lying about that.

Enjoy some espresso ($2.25) on the patio outside, though actually it was a little bitter.

They also have a great local beer selection on tap!

Yoga, Coffee, Food, (Restroom,) Beer, Peanut Butter Cup, Repeat!

Cherrywood Coffeehouse on Urbanspoon