Whole Foods: National Chain

Inspired by this disgruntled former Whole Foods employee's delightful resignation screed, I am finally getting around to starting some Whole Foods coverage.

I, like all other foodie assholes and yuppie fools, can't help but love Whole Foods in some ways.  If there's a food or diet meme, no matter how nascent, you can probably acquire whatever it is at Whole Foods.  You can also wander the aisles and learn about new food memes or simply be delighted by all the wonders.

That being said, most everything there is of course, immorally expensive.  And not everything ends up being good, as opposed to Trader Joe's, where just about everything tastes good (often surprisingly and seemingly magically so) and costs a reasonable amount.

So I'm going to share my experiences with various products at Whole Foods.  I'll see if the fascinating foodstuffs actually taste good, and I'll give you the low down on what is actually worth buying there.  There are certain products that Whole Foods actually offers at the lowest price out of all the places one can actually buy them.
LaLoo's, the only goat's milk ice cream I've yet seen on the market (other than at farmer's markets), is $6.99 at Whole Foods, whereas every other place at which I've seen it has charged $7.99.  This shit is delicious by the way (and lactose-intolerant friendly)

Of course WH is a reliable source for just about every vegan ice cream product on the market.

Miles of Chocolate, a gluten free brownie.  It's dense and delicious.  I wish I'd realized it involved dairy before I started eating it without having Lactaid first :[

I can't help but appreciate Whole Foods for being a reliable stop for awesome beers:

I wanna take these cans to pool day!

At least at the large Whole Foods stores, they have every fucking variety of products, whereas a lot of places don't have that kind of space.

I wanna try this so badly!
Their food bars are pretty sweet:

A free wine chiller.  How cute!

This is at the Whole Foods in Dallas.  A bar in a grocery store!!

Look at these dessert!  "Lemon Blueberry Vegan Cake"  Mmph!

I hadn't known that Tofurky had put out pizzas!  And check out all the gluten free pizzas!

I can't help it.  Even ridiculous yuppie bull shit like these acai and wheat grass thingamajigs intrigue me.

Bread and Chocolate.  This was really good.

The chocolate situations are endless.  And then they step it up with dairy free, agave nectar/lower glycemic, raw bars.  Jesus.

Ahi tuna jerky, a seemingly perfect health food, something on the paleo diet:
$5.99 for 2 ounces
Too bad it was really hard and "fishy." Still pretty tasty, but at $3 an ounce? Fuck that.

Another attempt at perfect paleo diet foods, were the Zesty Nacho Kale Chips.

Sweet potato cranberry quinoa cake:

$8 per pound or about $2.25 per piece

Delicious! Very Thanksgiving-y.  My mom would love love love this.

Lobster bisque:

Wishing there were some tapatio sauce on the condiment bar instead of just stupid tabasco, as there's no kick in this soup.  The Symphony Whole Foods in Boston needs way more in general in the way of a condiment bar.  I also found 2 hard shell bits in the soup.  I give this lobster bisque a 5/10.

Vegan Chocolate Chip Muffin:
Looks beautiful, huh?

Well it was a little dry and crumbly, the chocolate chips being the only part that really made the muffin yummy.  I have to wonder if those aren't the same large, vegan, award winning chocolate chips sold at Trader Joe's. They could easily be coming from the same manufacturer.

When I visited Portland, ME for a day, I couldn't help going into their big Whole Foods.  The amount of samples I ran into forced me to change my meal plans for the remainder of the day.  The Vitamixer guy was there, and I tried about 6 big samples (juice, smoothie, soup, ice cream..), and I very much want one now.  I also encountered the $2 half ounce serving sizes of the Vosges chocolate bars I'd been wanting to try forever, so I bought three of those:

Creole Bar

I also couldn't help, as often happens to me at Whole Foods but particularly at this location, getting bites of various things from some of their hot food buffets.  I feel like they had more types of buffets in Portland as they have in any other Whole Foods I've been to.  Here's a sampling:

Curried Potato Salad


meats or something

taco station!
Pizzas, including custom house pizza of the day
My love/hate relationship continues..

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