Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Arby's: "Market Fresh Salads": Dallas: Plano


I went to Arby's on a diety day, so I didn't get to that the curly fries or anything good.  I had to get a fucking salad, and it's not exactly their forte, having bothered only with a light marketing attempt but no actual work towards product quality.

I diligently ate the stupid salad with a stupid fucking cheap Italian dressing packet.

"Simple, wholesome ingredients go a long way when it comes to a good mood. Chopped fresh lettuce blend topped with roast chicken, and tossed with shredded cheddar cheese, red onion, diced tomato and diced pepper bacon"


Plus a little Spicy Three Pepper sauce, but I didn't really like it (more on that below)


I originally selected the Honey Mustard pack from their list of dressing options (Honey Mustard, Italian, Ranch, or Balsamic Vinaigrette).  I know I didn't get the ranch because I was going to be partying and I'm lactose intolerant, and I don't like to pre-game with foodstuffs I'm incapable of digesting.  I have no memory of why I wouldn't have just chosen the balsamic vinaigrette.  Unfortunately, I looked at the ingredients list on the Marzetti honey mustard packet:

Oh excuse me, it was Dijon Honey Mustard. Well I didn't eat it because it's mostly soybean oil, water and high fructose corn syrup.  Call me an asshole, but I'm not putting that shit in my body.  For some reason milk chocolate and high fructose corn syrup are the only two things I've successfully been trained to refuse to consume with the force of religious convictions.


 I added some Tapatio
 The world's awesomest hot sauce

So the salad wasn't completely without flavor.  But then I needed something more to make all the leftover iceberg shreds at the end worth eating, so I found a pack of Arby's sauce and squeezed it all over my cheap lettuce detritus pile.

 The bull shit salad left over after you eat all the good stuff

But then I read the Arby's sauce ingredients and realized it also had HFCS. Fuck that shit.  You've just gotta keep some good salad dressing in the fridge.


Do non-Texan Arby's have all these options?  Yay, Diet Dr. Pepper!  Not that I... sniffle.. ever really allow myself aspartamed products anymore anyway :'[

Sauces!  I took some Horsey Sauce, Arby's Sauce, Honey Mustard and Spicy Three Pepper.

Every time I go to Arby's (which averages out to once per year since eighteen), I get a little cup of each sauce (except ketchup, which I feel is useless) and try them, and I always find that each one sucks.


If memory serves, their seasoned curly fries are tasty.  They also have something called "potato cakes," loaded potato bites with ranch dipping sauce, fried mozzarella sticks, and jalapeno bites that come with "Bronco Berry Sauce."  In other words, they have your fried indulgence snacks down.  If only they would stay open through the hours when I would actually let myself get those things, they might give Jack in the Box a run for their money.

I doubt I could care about their Reuben (or even their limited time only super Reuben, which just means they throw on some turkey) anymore now that I've had real ones, but as far as fast food bull shit goes, they're definitely better than most of the other National Chains, except when it comes to salads, at which they surprisingly suck ass.


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