Showing posts from June, 2012

Don't B. Tempted by B.Good Burgers

Burger Rating: 4/10
Price: $

Having gotten thoroughly drunk the past two nights in a row, I needed a fucking burger and fries the next day on my lunch break. I decided it was finally time to see how good B.Good's (multiple Boston locations) burgers were.

I wished the bun were fluffier, less dry. The burger and toppings were fine. If you don't have burger standards (if you wonder whether you do, then you don't), then you might think this is a great burger. I will be continuing my search for a good burger in Boston. The only thing they really have going for them is that their meat is all natural, grass fed, and ground daily. You'd think a great burger would flow naturally, but they get too much wrong.

They were so real they tasted like the homemade fries form my childhood. I don't know about you, but I don't care for that sort of thing. If something actually tastes homemade to me at a restaurant, I don't want to be paying for that. There were some good burnt-…

Diesel Cafe: Somerville: Davis Square

If you want to skip my account of the lesbian situation at Diesel, then all you need to know is that the espresso and coffee are great, as is the parmesan prosciutto scone. The cafe menu, on the other hand, gets you rather unimpressive food.

As a lesbian, I had been told for months that I needed to get myself to Diesel Cafe. Actually I'd been warned that Diesel was an unpleasant experience because a lesbian could expect to be eye-raped constantly by the myriad cute, young lesbians at the place, which I heard as "run don't walk!"

I finally made it there on a Monday afternoon last December for the first time. But the lesbians were nowhere to be found that day, other than one cute barista.

If the coffee hadn't been so good, the paucity of lesbians would've been more disappointing.

On a Wednesday morning, there were a couple of sore-eye paliating baristas, but again, not very many lesbian patrons.

They were out of jalapeno cheddar bagels, so I got an egg bagel fo…

IKEA: National Chain

Needing a bed, a friend and I headed to IKEA. I was doubly excited for the trip because I wanted to review the food. I had quite fond memories of the adorable Swedish cafeteria from my fairly frequent college-day trips, and I was eager to revisit. A colder, paler reality awaited me. I realize now that my memories of the food all come from days when I was still excited any time I bought food at all. Restaurants used to hold such allure for me that even no fast food chain was shitty enough for me not to find it exciting (my parents didn't take us out to eat much).

If you can make it to an IKEA before 11 AM on a Monday, you can get breakfast (eggs, bacon, and potatoes) for free! Normally it's $.99 anyway though, so don't hurt yourself getting in on that.

The Purple Cactus: Boston: Jamaica Plain

FA Rating: f+
Price: $

I've only been to The Purple Cactus twice because it's not the foodiest of restaurants, but that being said, it's great little joint. You can get a huge pile of nachos or a whopper of a burrito or quesadillas, etc. The food is tasty, and the prices are good. It's a nice little non-Chipotle/Qdoba part of the JP food situation.

The only thing is that I would recommend only eating the nachos there instead of to-go because then you can eat at least some of that cheese while it's still hot and totally melted.

Justin's Yuppie Snickers-ish Bar

I've been wondering lately if there was a good wholesome, more healthful version of a Snickers on the market. As with almost all things I wonder thusly about, the zeitgeist quickly delivers it to me via Whole Foods.

Justin's Nut Butter has made a bunch of products, including a Nutella-esque Chocolate Hazelut Butter as well as Chocolate Almond, Maple Almond, Honey Almond, Almond, Peanut, Honey Peanut, and Chocolate Peanut that come in 80 calories squeeze packets and god*-knows-how-many-calorie jars.  They also sell milk or dark chocolate peanut butter cups.
Recently they started selling the non-Snickers bars (in milk peanut, milk almond, and dark peanut. Where the fuck is my dark almond? Not to mention my maple almond? Give it a month).
So first off - delicious, no problems there. It tastes exactly like you want it to taste, or maybe even a tad better (if for no other reason than that your dorsolateral prefrontal cortex gives it a "and it's more wholesome!" flavor …

Original Rum Bar & Grill: Charlotte: Charlotte Airport/CLT

On my layover between Boston and Dallas, I needed a fast dinner at the Charlotte Airport.

I would have accepted the "mixed greens" had they just been some romaine and iceberg, but instead there's actually abundant arugula, romaine, maybe some oak leaf and more varieties I don't really need to keep straight, as well as some pieces of celery. Not bad. The mango even seemed to be fresh! The vinaigrette was nice and tossed in the right amount throughout my salad. I would've preferred a bit less fry (or even none, had the option presented itself on the menu. Though in all likelihood I could've ordered it grilled had I bothered to try).

Maybe I shouldn't expect less for $11.90 (after tax, before tip) at an airport, but I guess I do. This was a downright decent airport dine.

Because there apparently isn't an online menu for for this restaurant, I'll share the two snippets I took from it:


LevelUp is a free smartphone app that lets you pay with your credit card using just your phone. Not only is that super convenient, but you also will get $5 free dollars if you sign up with my promo code, you'll earn me $5, AND most companies give you a few free dollars the first time you use LevelUp with them, AND every $50 you spend at a place, you get another five free dollars there (or sometimes it's $100 and then $20 or $50 and $3 - The companies choose their own rates). It's especially awesome for those of us who like to go to new places all the time. I can't tell you the number of places I've been to and gotten food or a drink for free or like $.20 'cause I use LevelUp.

A list of my LevelUp-participating reviews thus far:
Blue Frog Bakery
Bon Me food truck Boston Common Coffee Co.
Butterfly Coffee City Feeds grocery store Dining Car food truck Fiore's Bakery Kickass Cupcakes food truck Local 149 nice restaurant and bar Staff Meal food truck

Asshole Coffee: 1369 Coffee House

Espresso Rating: 6/10 Americano Rating: 6/10 Coffee Rating: Poop
I had heard of this coffee shop back when I lived in NYC and was excited to check it out.
It was seriously the worst coffee I had ever had.  I say it "was" the worst I "had" ever had because Andrew actually went back and told them it was bad and got a new cup of the other roast available that day.  We thought perhaps it was old or off in some weird way.  Turns out no.  So the second cup has earned the place of the current worst cup of coffee I've ever had.  The free coffee at cheap motels is better than this rain water/feces hybrid.

That being said, I went back one day for an espresso and treat.

The espresso was thick and bitter, almost dirty.

It was cakey but moist.

A handful of at least moderately attractive lesbians walked in during my ten minute stay, so there's that to be said for this place. But alas, I don't really care for their espresso and we already know how I feel about their …