IKEA: National Chain

Needing a bed, a friend and I headed to IKEA. I was doubly excited for the trip because I wanted to review the food. I had quite fond memories of the adorable Swedish cafeteria from my fairly frequent college-day trips, and I was eager to revisit. A colder, paler reality awaited me. I realize now that my memories of the food all come from days when I was still excited any time I bought food at all. Restaurants used to hold such allure for me that even no fast food chain was shitty enough for me not to find it exciting (my parents didn't take us out to eat much).

Some kind of fried fish plate with mashed potatoes and a carrot and, um, were those squash or potato slices? Oh who cares, I'm pretty sure that, whatever they were, they came out of a frozen sack. - $3.99.

Garlic bread - similarly, this was eerily similar to the frozen garlic bread you might find at a Wal-mart, if you know anyone who shops at one. - $.69.

My friend got some shitty Greek salad or whatever. It was a fucking cafeteria salad. Moving on. - $3.99.

She's one of those people with a mac 'n' cheese as comfort food thing. Yet, she found this a disappointing rendition. - $1.99.

The potato, broccoli, onion and cheese medallions were actually quite good.  The outside was a little stale, a little old probably, instead of fresh and crisp, but the inside was great, pretty hot and nicely smooth with great flavor. - $1.99.

The ranch (left) sucks, I don't even remember what the middle is, but I'm sure it wasn't great, and the honey mustard (right) was good, but there wasn't much for it to enhance. It can serve to mask the flavor of your food, but when you realize you're trying to do that, you also realize you just shouldn't be eating at the cheap furnishing store.

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If you can make it to an IKEA before 11 AM on a Monday, you can get breakfast (eggs, bacon, and potatoes) for free! Normally it's $.99 anyway though, so don't hurt yourself getting in on that.

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