About the FA

Food is not that fucking interesting. I love it, but who fucking cares? Why would you spend any of the precious hours of your life reading or writing a goddamn food blog. It's idiotic, and for the bloggers themselves, a mental disorder.

I get a little bit of adsense money and traffic to this domain name, though, because of all the time I flushed down the toilet making this monstrosity, so I decided I may as well use it for actual writings and comedy stuff. I'm a comedian now - a way better use of my time for everyone's sake - and I enjoy writing and making cartoons.

Stop reading about tacos and reductions. Is that really what you want to have done with even a few hours of your precious life?

Old About Me, for memory's sake.

On top of writing a book, drawing cartoons, writing blessays and vlogging, I review restaurants. 

In fact, it's been suggested that I have a problem.

But I don't like dressing up or paying a lot for it. Thus, I'm forever in search of those restaurants that are casual, affordable, interesting, and delicious.

The day I first thought of myself as some kind of "foodie" was this time when I was meeting up for lunch with a new friend with whom I had very little in common. It suddenly dawned on me why she wanted to be my friend: "Oh! We're both foodies!"

What this meant to me was that we would really enjoy going to restaurants together. We both liked to try food combinations we'd never tried. Better yet, foods we'd never had, or, better still, heard of before. We would always know that, as a matter of course, we'd be sharing everything. We both paid some attention to food memes because we found them interesting and often tantalizing.

I, for instance, had been collecting menus for years and reading them all with interest, making little notes next to dishes I tried. At first I did this with the menu at my favorite sushi place. I was parsing out variables to try to figure out what each flavor was coming from, to figure out what I really liked.

Thinking about it further still, I likened my foodieness to the way others of my peers were into sports, movies, or, especially, music. It seemed to me that people fell into some category of 1) where they a good chunk of their disposable incomes and 2) what they could most easily talk about with strangers. I'm sure there are a few other categories, but I think these are the main ones. I don't think of myself as any kind of expert, just a food enthusiast. When I find a delicious burger, the best sweet potato fries in town, or some amazing donuts, I enjoy telling people. It pleases me to know someone is going to go eat something delicious.

So, I dunno, perhaps I'm just the same as all the flagrant hipsters who deny who they are. On the other hand, I really don't think I fit in with a lot of foodies. While I'm always curious to try interesting food (whether it be some crazy fusion dish or a ridiculous product of molecular gastronomy), I want to try those things to see whether the emperor is actually wearing any clothes or if all the gushing foodies's brains just swallowed whole the suggestions of the menu.

I couldn't give two shits and a handclap for an open kitchen and never make restaurant decisions based on some ideas of what would be best for the environment, the animals, etc.

My favorite foods are hamburgers and sushi. Mmm, and maybe chicken and biscuits. Sure, I care about quality because it's true that the flavor of meat is best as fresh as possible and that it suffers if frozen. All I really want from a restaurant is comfortable casualness, inexpensiveness, and deliciousness. Throw in some fun aioli or a good ranch dressing, and my heart is yours.

I believe and hope I fall short of this kind of assholery:

And I don't see myself as the kind of foodie under discussion in this article. But one can never truly see oneself. So what do you think? Am I a "foodie"?

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