Thursday, May 31, 2012

Indulgent Delivery Food in JP: Real Deal Del

Burger Rating: 6/10 - Delicious, particularly after you've run 13.1 miles, but not the best ingredients or highest quality of meat.

Seasoned Curly Fry rating: 8/10

After running Boston's Run to Remember Half Marathon, I had to go home to clean my apartment since I was showing it to three potential roommates, before going to work from four to midnight.  I desperately wanted my post-race burger, but I didn't have much time.  Thus, I found the best option in JP (out of the three possibilities) for a delivery burger. I used their online ordering system and chose the Wolf Man burger.

I ordered this food thinking it wouldn't get to me until after the first chick. I went downstairs to let her in, and she was still about a hundred feet away. I could tell who she was because she brought her adorable dog with her. As she approached, I thought, "Oh fuck. She's, like, a hot girl. As in a normal, cool person, skinny hot girl who was clearly cool and socially confident in high school." I already felt like she wouldn't fit in with us and was worried that she'd think I was weird or socially incompetent and that this whole thing would be awkward, which I didn't need to process for the rest of the day since I wanted to ride high on my yay-I-just-ran-a-half-marathon-,-bitches vibes.


The Wolf Man: 1/2 LB Burger with Cheddar Cheese, Bacon, Over Medium Egg, Chipotle Mayo and Pickles - $8.99 - But you can customize it all you want, so I added lettuce, tomato and onions.  I could've chosen any cheese I wanted.

But the interview was fine. About thirty seconds after she arrived, my food came, so I went back down the four flights of stairs to get it, then back up, so that now I was as out of breath as I ever am, which I bumbled to explain, "Sorry *pant* I'm just a little tired from running a half marathon this morning and then going up and down these stairs twice in a row. So, sorry if I'm being, like, weird or anything."

"Oh no no, not at all," she said, and we continued what was a fairly short but not particularly good or bad potential roommate interview. She said she loved the place, how big it was, etc. but was gonna check out another place that was less expensive. I was of course interviewing more people too, and we agreed to let each other know our decisions the following night.

Ohh yeah, a little closer

Happy to get my alone time with my food, I took my pictures and started plowing into it, when I saw that this girl had texted me. "Oh no," I thought, "She's probably gonna say some shit like, 'You know what, I don't want to waste your time. I'm just not feeling the place,' which I will immediately take personally and which will, again, interrupt my happy thoughts with thoughts of self-doubt."


Oh ho ho ho, that moment when you put the burger together and the yolk runs...


"Pink, it's the color for burgers." - Aerosmith, right? I ate most of this behemoth burger in bites I scraped together with my sauced and grease covered hands. It was so good. The meat wasn't the highest quality, but it was rare, like I'd ordered, and goddamn that's a beautiful thing. And fuck yeah, chipotle mayo and egg. Did I mention bacon?

Her text: "Um, not to be weird, but you're gorgeous btw."

Oh. I finally settled on "Haha thank you" for my response because I feel the need to pretend to be cool. The next girl I interviewed seemed great and was ready to make the decision and pay right away, so I gave the room to her. "I probably shouldn't live with hot girl who thinks I'm gorgeous anyway," I thought, "But maybe I should ask her out. Can I go out with a hot girl? Is that just gonna be awkward? Is she going to quickly realize I'm not like her, not a cool, normal person?"

I had a couple more experiences that day when I realized I had completely erroneously judged a few books by their covers, people-wise, so then I thought, well, shit, if I didn't read our initial interpersonal interaction right anyway, maybe I don't know shit about this girl I'm so convinced is whatever I mean by "cool" and "normal," and maybe I should just fucking go out with her and see who she is.  It'll satisfy my curiosity if nothing else.

Thus, I texted her back and said, "Hey so we went with this other chick who was ready to pay right away. I hope you liked the less expensive place. Can I take you out to lunch?"

Her: "Um, yes please :)"

So there, fuck yeah. I highly doubt she'll read this, it's cool.


For no extra charge, I subbed in seasoned curly fries for the regular ones. They were so good.  They were seasoned nicely, soft and limp, just like I like 'em.

Then this tragedy happened where they forgot the ranch I'd ordered. If you know me at all, you probably know that I simply cannot function if I have fried somethings around and no creamy something in which to dip them (yes, even delicious seasoned curly fries. I mean look, people, I don't dip every fry in ranch (hell, lots of these wound up on my burger), I just need it to be there or the world is not okay). We don't keep anything suitable in the fridge, so I called the Real Dealers up and explained the situation. Then the lady said, "So.. what would you like us to do...?"

Me: "Um, well, if it's not, I mean, if you could, like, if it's not ridiculous to bring me some, that would be.."

Her: "Okay, I'll send our delivery guy over as soon as he gets back from the delivery he's on (presumably the one to me)."

Bless their souls, I had ranch delivered to me ten minutes later.


Ranch

Unfortunately it was that too thick, slightly funky tasting ranch. Not to worry, this has a simple solution.

Just dump in any good hot sauce you have around and, voila, spicy ranch!

I had to order this whoopie pie ($2) in order to reach the pre-tax, delivery charge and tip $10 minimum. It was a little hard around the edges, not great stuff.

My receipt:
You placed a Delivery order for:
Wolf Man Burger $9.49
Whoopie Pie Bakery $1.99
Delivery: $1.50
Tip: $2.22
Tax: $0.80
Total: $16.00
Your order will be ready in approximately 1 hour and 5 minutes. (Actually only took 40 minutes!)

Burger Rating: 6/10 - Delicious, particularly after you've run 13.1 miles, but not the best ingredients or highest quality of meat.
Seasoned Curly Fry rating: 8/10
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